After a decent flight with a bit of a diversion to avoid Iran airspace, we landed at about 5am in Colombo. It took literally about 10 mins to get through passport control, collect our bags and we were met by our driver Chandanna who greeted us with shell necklaces and a smile. He’s got us for 10 days at least. He may lose that smile by then. Day 1 is a rest day so we are in a hotel not far from the airport but out of town. The Wallawa is set in several acres of tropical gardens that are over 200 years old with only a dozen or so rooms so it’s very quiet. We slept for a couple of hours then had breakfast (curry for Tim of course) and hung out by the pool until dinner – more curry and very good it was too. The transition of going from 1 degree in temperature when we left home to 35 here is staggering but not unwelcome although it helps when you have air con and a pool. Tim is very excited about being able to collect new birds for his collection. He got 15 today and described each one in detail to me. It’s going to be a long trip… As well as the excitement of the bird life we had a huge lizard/small dinosaur parading around the pool. It was eating a mouse at one point. Great for rodent management but I think I’d rather have a cat. For the life of me I can’t work out how to upload the lizard video – it will appear at some random point I’m sure. Tomorrow we’re off to safari country.

Day 2 and we drove further into the mountains to Pu Luong, As we climbed the traffic cleared, so in theory it should have been a quick drive, but with free range chickens, cows, dogs and children on every bend it was a slow game of dodgems.

Connection has been so rubbish I’m just going to sum it all up.

More of the green.

Bamboo bridge – scary for me but frankly I’m a wimp.

Mobile fish farm. A 100 fish in there and they are fed in banana leaves.

Wandered into the local school for a look and a chat. Like you do. No ID or police check required unlike UK schools.

We had an extra guide just for the mountain trek. Not a word of English but he’s a chelsea fan. Not seen Tim as happy as this the whole trip. Brotherhood…

Waterwheel. Just brilliant technology when you have no electrical machinery.

Homestay lunch – we’ve had a few. Homestay is basically like our Airbnb. Always delicious local food and far too much of it. No small portions in Vietnam.

Then a vertical climb up the mountain in 30 degree heat and humidity just for the fun of it.

Random cow and chicken scene

Leam very pleased with the bananas he got for $2

Bye Mai Châu.

Mai Châu is a rural district in the north west and attracts tourists because of its beauty. You know how they say that eskimos have 50 words for snow? Well there should be as many words for green here in the valley. It’s just so green! Luminous paddy fields shine in irregular-shapes fringed with yellowing corn and banana trees with the dark forests of the surrounding mountains as a back drop. There is so much texture that a simple 2 dimensional photo just can’t do it justice. It’s why all the tourists flock here. To see the green.

We are staying at the Mai Châu Ecolodge, a cluster of wooden buildings nestling in the valley.

The concept of an Ecolodge is slightly at odds with the reality. They employ locally and provide toiletries in reusable packaging. Lots of notices about saving water and turning off the electricity. All very worthy, and all hotels should do the same. But there is an enormous buffalo in the corner. Most of the guests are western and have traveled 1000s of miles by air, and then hours by car or coach to get to this little bit of paradise. If anyone thinks this is a eco-friendly way of travel then they are kidding themselves. On the plus side, the hotel provides employment for local youngsters and brings much needed cash into the region. And it is extraordinarily pretty 😄. There are polite notices everywhere about keeping the noise down to respect fellow guests. No one thought to mention this the the locals. “keeping the noise down” is at odds with Vietnamese life. From dawn there is the drone and random beeping of bikes, grinding metal from a local works, cockerels crowing, dogs barking and women calling to each other in the fields. At sundown the cicadas and frogs start their roar, much more melodious than in the city where the frogs bark like dogs and the cicadas whir with the force of an approaching helicopter. The dogs and cockerels keep up their calling and just when you’re getting used to the pastoral din, the karaoke starts. Full blast awful wailing bouncing off the mountains from some unknown hotel in the valley. Love it!!

On our first morning we drove to a village and the rain started.

Leam found us umbrellas and we headed towards the farmland area. It’s very different from the British layout of farms. Rather than the feudal system where a wealthy landowner pays workers to tend the land, here each family has their own plot of land. Mostly they will grow rice (obviously), corn, sugar cane, peanuts, bananas, sweet potatoes and herbs. They will keep numerous chickens a mini fish farm and maybe a couple of buffalo and a bee hive. Water is plentiful and with the small fields and crop rotation the land is kept well. There is a strong community and family support. They eat well but they work hard for every mouthful and they are poor in cash if not in spirit. Traditional houses are bamboo structures on stilts. The livestock below, living area above.

As we passed a farm we were invited in out of the rain by a man. We climbed the ladder into the hut the family uses in the day when they are working the land. At night one of the men sleeps there to guard the livestock.

They gave us raw sugar cane to chew on and tea, the out came the rice wine, a lethal home made brew that tastes like schnapps, and freshly roasted peanuts. A feast.

The family consisted of two men, three women and their grandchildren who played happily while we chatted. Their parents are in Hanoi working in factories to help support the family. They only get back to the village about once a month and earn $100 a week. The family has enough to eat but healthcare and education has to be paid for and I guess that’s why the young ones leave. Having stayed a while we wondered if we should offer some money for their hospitality but our guide said no. They would be offended. They asked us in out of friendliness and their own curiosity. We are increasingly finding the Vietnamese to be very generous and open people.

Back to the Ecolodge.

It’s less than an hour to fly from Hue to Hanoi, but it was a shock to the system that it was 10 degrees cooler. We’ve had a week where the temperature has rarely dipped below 30 even at night.

We met our new guide Leam, who along with our driver will be with us till we leave Vietnam. The drive to Mai Chau is over 4 hours. We skirted Hanoi and it’s multitude of towering buildings, passed the Red river and headed towards the mountains. It’s an arduous route of constant bends and somewhat unnerving driving conditions. Cars overtake mopeds that are overtaking lorries that are overtaking lorries that are overtaking bikes that are overtaking cows. It feels like mayhem to us but they all seem to know what they are doing. After a couple of hours we stopped for a break at the mountain version of a motorway cafe. Every few hundred yards you’ll see a line of shacks perched on the edge of the mountain on stilts. Being so high in the mountains it was enveloped in mist which gave it an eery atmosphere. It looks as if the shacks are perched on the edge of the clouds. Add to that the wood smoke, livestock roaming around and the constant blast of horns from lorries that are invisible until their lights peer through the fog as they take the corner, and the whole thing feels unsettling.

Each one has a wood stove and a variety of food on offer, eggs, skewers of meat, vegetables and corn, all cooked freshly on demand.

Leam chose one of the outlets and we stepped in. The women are from the Muong ethnic group who live in the mountains and they are in traditional dress. I think their mouths are black from chewing betel.

We had the food they take to work in the fields. A bamboo stem is filled with rice and cooked, making a perfect lunch box. You just peel the stem as needed. Then boiled corn cobs and the water from the corn to wash it down. It’s surprisingly quite a nice drink. Sweet and tastes a bit like corn-flavoured tea. Apparently they drink it because it’s “good for your piss”.

They have all sorts of herbs and remedies. Bags of leaves that cure stomach complaints and kidney problems. Fact is, they are elderly women and manage to clamber up that mountain from their village every morning so they must be doing something right.

Back in the car and fortunately with the thick fog the overtaking had ceased. Everyone drove in an orderly fashion till we got down far enough to see daylight again. On to Mai Chau….

The itinerary for our first morning in Hue calmly stated that we would be cycling through the city for a day of sightseeing. I get jittery cycling the mile to Summertown on the cycle path. I need a helmet for spin classes. Do they not know about the mad traffic in this city? Absolutely no way that was going to happen, so our guide Huy came up with a suggestion that we’d get moped taxis. Perfect. And such fun.

And forget the traffic – it was mostly uphill. Who wants to do that in 30 degrees?

Our first stop a pagoda. There are many all over the city, inhabited by monks and open to anyone who cares to drop in. Such is the nature of the Buddhist faith – you’re free to enter and to leave as you wish.

Back in the bikes and off to another. We met some boys there, one a trainee monk. He’s 9 and says he’s there through his own choice, although many children are sent by parents who are too poor to educate and feed them, whilst others arrive as the babies of unmarried mothers or are orphans. He seemed pretty happy playing football with his friends but who knows?

We biked uphill to a mausoleum.

So there was an emperor in the 19th century,Tu Duc, and he had over 100 wives and concubines but no children. With that many you can’t do a Henry viii and blame the women so he accepted his fate and started planning his tomb many years before he died. He built a complex of palaces for his afterlife within a huge park, but as he was still alive he lived there for 20 days a month anyway.

His tomb is here but he was buried in secret. He got some close friends to take his body elsewhere, the deal being they had to be buried with him. Alive. So that no one would know where he was. Sometimes that friendship thing can go a bit far.

Empty tomb

Back on the bikes down a rough dirt track past paddy fields and buffalo to the river

These women are selling fish and turtles to return to the river as an offering.

A short ride down the river

And on to the next mausoleum

Minh Mang. He had something like 600 concubines and 43 wives and over a hundred children. That is one busy emperor. Apparently what kept him going is this wine. They sell it at the door.

It doesn’t just help virility but cures back ache, arthritis, kidney problems, joint erosion, and much more. We considered buying some but Huy said two children is enough so not to bother. We can always make it at home. Just need to find squid, starfish, a seahorse and various herbs and spices. If they don’t do them in Tescos I’m sure Waitrose will oblige.

M

Minh Mang never to to see this place being built, but we know he was buried in the underground palace behind this door.

Lunch at a very nice place. We are literally eating our body weight in rice and noodles on this trip.

Then more Hue nightlife.

We drove from Hoi An to Hue. A 3 hour journey along the coast and through the mountains via the Hai Van Pass meaning “pass of the ocean clouds” due to the thick cloud that often covers its 1000 metre peak. Anyone you care to speak to, or any guide book we’ve seen, gleefully pronounces that the pass was made famous by an episode of Top Gear 10 years ago. These mountains are almost as old as the planet and they have formed a natural barrier between north and south Vietnam civilisations, in war and peace, for centuries and has always held strategic importance. And it’s been made famous by Jeremy Clarkson tootling through it on a moped?!! Seriously…..

At this point I have to admit I watched the said episode and it was quite amusing. And now I feel I’ve over shared and feel a bit grubby.

So, enough of the confessions, the drive was nice, fantastic views although we had the cloudy day. When we got to the other side we stopped for a coffee and oysters at the lagoon. Not your typical service station offerings. Or view.

10 oyster with wasabi and rice wine for about £4. Tim was happy with the deal.

Our waiter asked “Do you know why Vietnam is such a small country with such a high population? It’s the oysters. Vietnamese viagra!”

Tim had all 10 oysters 😳

I’m all out of sync because of the problems loading the blog so here’s an assortment of photos from Hoi An that we like.

We did the lantern boat thing. Not sure how romantic it was. A bit like being on Crystal Palace boating pond except with less dinosaurs and more floating coconuts. Pretty though.

Fruit lady persuaded us to have a go with her baskets. God they were heavy! I should give up the gym and sell mangoes in Summertown instead.

More lanterns….

Forgot to mention that Hoi An is famous for tailoring.

And lovely Li who does a great massage. Not quite the tranquil ambience of the hotel spa but at $20 who cares? It’s much nicer at her place.

Li and I had the same conversation that we have had with almost everyone we meet.

Married?

Do you have children?

How many? Boy and a girl? Ah, you are blessed.

Yes we are.

Do they have girlfriend, boyfriend? No?

Look of sympathy then ensues, with an immediate backtrack to how blessed we are.

Initial problem. Hue is pronounced Hu-ay, our guide Huy is pronounced Hu-ee. Tim is in dyslexia overdrive.

On arrival at our hotel we headed for the citadel, pictured above, the view from our balcony. Obvious destination as the flag is obviously a sign. It wasn’t far but we just about killed ourselves getting there – the roads are mental! You stand at a crossing on a roundabout with 5 lanes of traffic and the green man shows so you think you can cross. But the bikes just go through the red light so it’s a game of chicken. Apparently there is no right of way here, you just give out to the biggest vehicle. Is a human bigger than a bike? I’ve not got it yet.

Anyway, we braved the roads and got to the citadel but it was closed already. We’ll see the imperial city in another life, but it was still pretty impressive.

So we had to face the road back and found an easier crossing and look who we found…

What we didn’t know is that in Vietnam turtles are considered lucky and we have good things coming to us for saving him. But then a woman on our boat yesterday said it might be an unlucky breed of turtle. We were reassured by our guide that the unlucky turtles are very rare but now I’m worrying. And what if it was a lucky turtle who didn’t want rescuing? If it was an unlucky turtle, how do you you deal with it? Maybe we should have left it to it’s fate, but I’m convinced we saved a lucky turtle.

Back on the other side of the Perfume river we found two very different sides of life. The tourist quarter with vibrant bars, loud music and hundreds of restaurants. It could be any holiday resort, albeit with more bikes.

Then take a wander down the river and it changes vibe. A pedestrian walkway alongside the bank is a throng of food stalls, buskers and the standard market tat. The Vietnamese clearly like to socialise and all of life is here. It makes sense. It’s rarely below 30 degrees and most people live in apartments so your social life is outside. Crowds of teenagers gather singing along to someone strumming on a guitar, play football, stroll down the promenade, or look at their phones, like any other teenager. Families strolling or hanging about in one of the many coffee bars. Young dads carry toddlers on their shoulders, older children run wild, grandmothers looking on smiling. Strange thing I noticed is that often mothers dress their little girls in the same outfit as them. Daisy would have loved that back in the day, but really?

And then there are people in teddy bear suits selling sweets.

Flip flops for goalposts

I’m having problems uploading anything with the weak internet here so I’m just forgetting any chronological order and posting short pieces.

We don’t do the beach much on these kind of holidays. Tim doesn’t like sand or salt and apparently any stretch of water larger than a washing up bowl could potentially be infested with sharks so it’s not his first choice of a fun filled excursion. But we had a free day, the sun was out and the beach is only a couple of miles away so I persuaded him to go.

It was a standard stretch of sand, lined with fairly shabby sun beds and backed by palm trees and dozens of beach restaurants. A back-packer haunt by the looks of it. Not many locals as they tend to only come before sunrise and after sunset. Mostly because they have to work in the day but also because they don’t want to get brown in the sun.

We found some beds and made some friends.

There’s a deal here. They tell us that we are beautiful and handsome and in return we pay them a load of money for the tat they are selling. Seems fair. Buddha key ring anyone? I have several.

Had the most delicious lunch at the Soul Bar and headed home at sunset via the ubiquitous paddy fields back to Hoi An